I'm Sorry
by Queen of Jinxing
Summary: '"I'm sorry." And he believed she really is. That just made it hurt all the worse.'


The Alternian sun was bright, the sky shining a dull green along with it. There was a reason the square was empty at this time, the heat being too much for most to handle, and despite the feeling that his skin was going to melt off, Kankri was grateful for the silence.

For the first time in all of his years, he was alone. Not even his matesprit could stay on account that she'd be culled faster than he would. On second thought, that's be a blessing.

Heels clicked eerily in the silence down the cobble walkway a good 8 yards away, and they stopped just in front of him. He didn't dare look up- none of his followers were built to withstand this heat (nor were Lowbloods allowed in without at least 2 High being present) and if he saw one more of the victorious faces of the Highbloods he was afraid of what he'd do.

An almost silent creak of leather sounded right before him and a few things ran through his mind at once. They stepped out of the boundary-the unspoken line that people weren't supposed to cross to near him- and there's only one troll on the all of Alternia that wore a jump suit of dried hornbeast skin and they smelled like strawberries.

"Ay, reedblood, look up." Shade was placed upon him but that didn't help him relax. Not at all. The thought of the one woman that had torn apart all he'd worked for, that took his friends and family away, and had him placed on display for all of those to see standing over him filled his entire being with ice and hate and he wanted to choke her. Fuck, he wanted to see the smirk wiped from her lips and the light drain from her eyes. "Don't be such a cod damned guppy boat it. I gotta say somefin to ya."

"I do not wish to hear it."

"I hope you don't think you the first one to say that. Do ya reely think that would stop me?"

Her fuchsia shoes were the new focus his red eyes and a part of him wondered how anyone could walk in heels that high- Porium always said it was idiotic and would cause problems later on- let alone that gracefully. Chains rattled and the relief in his shoulders and wrists was so sudden it hurt and he gasped harshly when the rest of his body fell to the dirt. He was bowing to her and as much as that disgusted him he couldn't move. Everything hurt so much.

"No need to thank me so humbly." her jokes weren't funny and his growling must have told her such because she sighed afterwards. "Jeez, can't joke with anemone round here."

"What do you want with me?" he asked his knees.

"...I don't do this often, alright? I..." leather squeaked in protest as she settled herself on he ground, mumbling the whole way. "You finna look at me, yo? It's hard enough explainin' to myshellf, I ain't aboat to try it at your back."

Silence, filled with only the distant yelling of Highbloods and shrieks of featherbeasts.

"You ain't gonna, huh?"

No sound.

"I don't know why I even boatter, Lowbloods always got some kinda authority problem-"

"Maybe if you addressed us as equals and ceased the mindless killing of those with different blood colors you would find some better subjects to lead." he spat coolly, lifting up to glare hatefully at her even tough his muscles protected in the most least peaceful way possible.

She grinned and he snarled, if his body felt less beaten and bruised then he'd rip out her jewel encrusted throat. She won, he looked at her.

"I was wonderfin if I'd ever see those stusquid reed eyes a yours."

That is a stupid way of talking. It's obnoxious and made his head pound.

Can't she leave him alone to dry out-

The shade's still there.

Slowly he brought his gaze away from hers and up. A large piece of pink fabric stretched from the pole he was tied to to two others he'd assumed was for Rosa and his matesprit.

"I hated that fuckin' cape anywaves." she broke in, waving her ringed hand in dismissal. "Plus, the sun's bad for my hair."

Though the excuse was fitting, he had a hard time believing it.

"What do you want?" he repeated as he brought his arms to his chest, looking at the blisters from the rough metal against his skin- which was about 100 times more sensitive than that of a usual troll. Though it hurt like a bitch, it was out of his control. His mother (that she insisted he call her back in his grub years) was the healer of their little rag-tag group. If he could talk his wounds into healing themselves then this would be an entirely different story.

"I jus'... wanted to say..." her sharp teeth worried at her pink painted lips, eyes narrowed. "I'm sorry, cod fuck it, okay? I don't want it to be like this." The words froze him and his eyes snapped to hers. The hot pink that any troll would either pay to see or shit themselves at the thought of looked so angry. Angry, sad, and regretful. "I'm so fuckin' sorry for this."

It was quiet again.

"If you don't want this," he started hesitantly, shifting into a more defensive stance (though in this condition and going against the Condesce- it's like a benign bugbeast snapping its pinchers). "Then why not stop it?"

"It's not that shrimple. It's never that shrimple." she groaned, tucking a strand of hair out of her pretty face. "This is destined. Everyfin I gotta do, everyfin I done... Cod krill me if I don't."

He's not really sure what to do at this point but watch as she rested her elbows on her knees and put her head in her palms, sharp claws tangled in the mess of her hair. The long, sharp horns pointed his direction is a little disconcerting but that's about the last thing on his mind.

The Condesce, great and powerful leader, wrathful and ruthless dictator, is sitting like an equal in front of him and is feeling regret.

The irony is crippling.

"I've never believed in destiny. Or fate. You make your own ways and everything else falls into place."

"That's great an' all, but so fuckin wrong it hurts." she sighs. "When you sail across galaxies and meet weird as shit aliens, you like ta think that stuff. But when you have some batshit broad following you that never shuts up, you learn some things.

"I wish I didn't though. Man, you have no idea how much I wanna let you and your moirial go. But I can't because then this whole universe'll be destroyed in some shitty way because I hopped off this shitty timeline."

"...I do not follow you."

A bitter laugh came from the mass of hair. "I didn't think you would. I don't even know why I thought this was a good idea."

"Maybe if you slow down and explain it simpler-"

"None of this hoofbeast shit is simple! I'm literally using the easiest way-"

"The thought of someone not being in control of their own actions is ludicrous and asinine so you telling me you have no choice but to ruin the lives of everyone for the greater good is completely absurd! If you want me to understand why me trying to free thousands of oppressed souls is wrong, explain it better!"

She looked kind of shocked, one hand holding her hair back from her face like the ornate gold tiara wasn't doing the job satisfactory. The loudest sound was his angry pants.

"...We're all on a timeline, alright? You, me, your matesprit, your weird troll-lusus, moirail, everything." she ignored the growl when she degraded his mother. "This whole universe is riding on the same wave and if one person does something wrong everyone gets sucked down. For a while, this crazy asshole was tracking me down so I could take her place or some shit and work for one a these Gods or something. And she never shut up and complained all the damn time, so I know that I gotta do all this shit and everyone else gotta do all that shit or we die.

"It's kinda like a miracle I did it right until I found out. Man, when was that? Probably sweeps before you even hatched."

He stared at her blankly. "I can't believe that."

The look in her eyes was disappointed and accepting even as she shrugged nonchalantly. "I figured as much."

"I was raised to think that you can do whatever you want without strings of fate to tie you down. My mother," he emphasized, sending her a look. "Taught me that."

Sharing that with a complete stranger was disconcerting, but she looks so small and vulnerable under the shade of this ugly cape that he felt like they were equals, that the weight of the world was crushing her into a smaller piece as much as it is him. That's what he wanted, right? Two people of completely different bloods talking civilized and sharing ideas without malice.

If only under better circumstances.

"...You're going to die tomorrow night." she stated softly, folding up her long legs to rest against her chest as she wrapped her arms around her knees.

The air got colder and the comfort was gone. Just like that, reality was there again, rearing back it's ugly head. The pain returned worse and it took more effort to push it to the back of his mind again.

"I figured." he whispered back just as quiet.

"I really am sorry about this, you know. But I can't risk everyone's lives. I... I care about 'em too much."

A quiet, angry voice hissed what about me? in the back of his head but he ignored it.

"What will happen? To me, my companions?"

"...It's going to be a rough last few hours for you. I'll do my best with your friends. Darkleer'll execute you here, but I'm certain he'll let your matesprit go free and give up his title. Your mother," he let out a dry chuckle. "will be with Mindfang- I already have it worked out. Your moirail'll be my helmsman. This rebellion of yours'll have me start shipping grown trolls into space to colonize and I'm pretty sure I heard something about Porium turning Mindfang into a full on rebellion leader or something. Don't worry, you won't die in vain."

He nodded without much conviction.

"Meulin?"

"I think she wrote a book or somethin' that got you even more followers- like the Summoner or whatever. You all got titles and everythin'."

"...You stopped the puns."

She laughed quietly and put her chin on her knees. "That's somefin that needs ta change."

It's not clear how long they spent in silence before she broke it.

"I'll get 'em 'round here tomorrow night ta see ya before..."

"Will they watch me die?"

She didn't answer.

"Will they?"

He needed to hear her say it.

"I'm sorry."

And he believed she really is.

That just made it hurt all the worse.

* * *

AN: Also known as "The Condesce isn't Really a Heartless Empress and is Trying Her Best for Her People"

In case anyone was confused, my headcannon is that the Handmaid vents at the Condesce while she's chasing her down and fighting and lets slip somethings about what she knows from being under Doc Scratch for so long that she really shouldn't and that keeps this from becoming a doomed timeline- which kinda forces Condy's hand.


End file.
